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When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

Proverbs 11:2

    Although having babies out of wedlock will most times separate families, you can still be involved in making decisions on issues concerning your children. Children need both parents in their life, therefore BOTH parents must work together to maintain contact. Children often have difficulty adjusting to these circumstances. Children of different ages have different responses and obstacles. 

    Many young children, including toddlers and preschoolers can be confused, feel sad, guilty and abandoned. They may deal with separation anxiety, bed wetting, loss of appetite, nightmares and tantrums. Preteens and teenagers might similarly be ostracized or bullied by their peers due to not having a father in the home.

    Therefore, let’s learn how to help our children cope and co-parent in a way that is beneficial to the entire family. The first person we need on board is the mother of your child. So how do we appeal to their sensibilities and foster a working relationship? We begin by humbling ourselves and acknowledging her efforts (or the care-giver’s efforts- such as a grandmother if the mother is absent as well). 

  • First, let’s humble ourselves and praise the mother or caregiver for taking care of your child while you are not together. Acknowledging someone’s struggles and handwork can go a long way in gaining their trust and cooperation.
  • Initiate a plan to work together and keep in communication with your child- we will devise a plan in this chapter as a class. 
  • Discuss co-parenting in a calm and friendly manner. Listen patiently and give feed back that demonstrates understanding and respect for their opinions and suggestions.
  • Always suggest that you speak privately, without your child in the room as to alleviate any stress they might feel or feelings of guilt.
  • Be consistent and follow through on your plan, instilling trust and a feeling of support with your co-parent and child.

    Children do better when both parents maintain relationships with them through regular contact and involvement. You’ll want to discuss school, sports, extracurricular activities, health care, child care, grades and chores with your co-parent and child. A child does better in life when parents are a united front and on the same page. This brings security and a better sense of well-being to children. It also makes it easier, if you’ve been estranged from your children in the re-entry into their life.

From the fruit of his lips a man is filled with good things as surely as the work of his hands rewards him.

Proverbs 12:14