Fatherhood and The Stats
I am the most ignorant of men; I do not have a man’s understanding. I have not learned wisdom, nor have I knowledge of the Holy One.Proverbs 30:2-3
Taking a personal inventory on why we chose to do something can help us gain wisdom and understand the motive. Maybe, we didn’t choose it, but we didn’t avoid it. Maybe we chose it for all the wrong reasons, and maybe we were spot on. Meaning, there are plenty of people who get married, start planning for a future together and decide to have children. One thing I can tell you, no matter what scenario fits your circumstance, we all need guidance in the choices we made, didn’t avoid or made under duress, greed, lust and even those times when the choice was right. We all need guidance and wisdom. But first let’s determine why, so that we can move forward to the how.
Why did you become a dad? You’ll have room in your journal to write your answer and reflect. But first let’s take an inventory. Group Discussion (we learn so much from each other and gain confidence when we realize we aren’t the only one who experienced life in a unique way):
1. Did anyone speak to you about sex?
2. Did you have a father to speak to you about respecting women- even when they don’t respect themselves?
3. What attitudes about sex were passed down to you?
4. Did your mother have multiple boyfriends? Or maybe your father role modeled negative relationship behavior?
5. Did you have a grandmother to warn you about the responsibilities of parenting?
6. Did you consider the consequences or did you figure your partner would figure it out?
7. Did you give thought as to how you would feed your child or make sure they had all their needs met?
8. If you didn’t think about the responsibility of taking care of a child, why do you think it didn’t occur to you?
9. Is having a baby a status symbol?
10. Can you identify any culture trends in having babies that might not be healthy?
11. How old was your mother when she had her first baby? Do you know how old your aunts or grandmothers were?
Once you analyze your family, community and personal choices, do you find a correlation between your choices and theirs? If you weren’t ready to be a dad, you can still work on being the best dad you can be. Yes, even after many mistakes and bumps in the road. And remember, children are forgiving- even if it takes time to regain trust.
Word to the Wise:
Children are resilient and they are interested in both parents because both parents have genetic ties that affect who they are biologically and psychologically.
Train a child in the way he should go, and when his is old, he will not turn from it.Proverbs 22:6
Do not move an ancient boundary stone or encroach on the fields of the fatherless, for their defender is strong; He will take up their case against you.Proverbs 23:10-11
To you, O men, I call out; I raise my voice to all mankind. You who are simple, gain prudence; you who are foolish, gain understanding.Proverbs 8:4-6